Hog Wild
Crates: 24
Collectibles: 1 Clear Gem

Hog Wild is the seventh level of Crash Bandicoot. Having survived the perils of Papu Papu's stone cheese collection, Crash begins his great escape from the understandably pissy Savage Tribal Nation of Tribesanistan. In this stage, he makes a mad dash through suburban Papupapusburgh on his new ad-hoc animal buddy, Wartie the Warthog! He will have to manoeuvre his porcine concubine through a terrifying gauntlet of spiked pillars, dead warthogs "roasting" on spits, bottomless pits, drums, and most horrifying of all, President Papu Papu's Cabinet. Easier said than done, because Wartie sucks.

The Mechanics of Fixing Bad Mechanics: Wartie Fucking Sucks!Edit

Let it never be said that the various developers who have manhandled Crashie throughout the years don't pay attention to fan complaints. Because they do. Plenty. They eat, sleep, drink, smoke, snort, inject, and sexually assault fan criticism, I assure you! They are universally terrific people who care deeply about you, and me, and that loser friend you play Crash Bandicoot games with! Honest! For realsies!

For proof, let us take a look at how the various developers have handled Wartie's mechanics, updating and improving them in so many different and interesting and orgasmic ways. With your good friend and my good friend as well, Baron von Bulletpoints!



Here we see young Wartie playing with her best friend, Crash Bandicoot. After all, nothing says whimsical childhood fun like using a close relative's corpse as a jumprope!

  • This level's name might be a reference to the 1930 film of the same name, starring famous comedy duo Laurel and Hardy. Like the duo's work, this stage features lots of physical comedy, mainly when Crash runs into obstacles and dies.
  • Alternately, it might be a pun on the name of famous Irish writer Oscar Wilde. Wilde was, among other things, infamous for having sex with other men, thus allowing them to "ride" him, in a sense, and according to many of his paramours, he was quite rough in bed. In exactly the same way, riding the hog in this level is also a rough experience, due to amazingly poor controls.
  • Curiously, this level features several hogs on a spit, but with no fire present to cook them. The Savage Tribesanistani Natives clearly have the technology to make fire, as proven by the torches in The Great Gate and Native Fortress, so it is unknown why they opt to roast their pork the hard way. It is possible, however, that they have simply developed a universal preference for rare meat. Alternately, it is possible that President Papu Papu has placed a strict wartime ration on flame usage for purposes other than his fantastic border security wall system arrangement project squad.